


Before you go

by riverwriteskinda



Category: Tennis RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:15:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23038450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riverwriteskinda/pseuds/riverwriteskinda
Summary: It's the night before the last day of Laver cup 2019. The last moments before Rafa has to go and marry someone else, even though his heart belongs to a specific swiss man. It's not exactly a goodbye, but it hurts like one.
Relationships: Roger Federer/Rafael Nadal
Comments: 1
Kudos: 30





	Before you go

They should have parted ways after the press conference, they both knew that.

They promised their respective teams that they will rest and sleep in their separate rooms for the length of this tournament. The dangers of their secret relationship were always present, always lurking in the shadows, threatening to destroy their happiness, but they usually managed to control them well enough. They had some slips in the past, it's true. Sometimes the pictures looked so revealing, their love and affection actually radiating through the screen that they wondered how they managed to go unnoticed for so long. How could people be so oblivious to their love? They weren't that subtle. At all.  
Especially Roger: declaring his love for Rafa every chance he got, without caring or thinking. And yet, nobody said a thing, not a word about their lustful touches, long lasting gazes and pure smiles. It was all written on their faces in capital letters and yet, they went unnoticed. At some point they even gave up on trying to hide it. What was the point? The media would never catch on, never connect the dots. Roger had Mirka and the kiddies, Rafa had Mery and their wedding was in just a few days, so how could they even begin to think that these men could be together? How could their relationship be more than a respectable friendship? They just couldn't. They were rivals and had a strong bond because they held the entire tennis community together. That was all, wasn't it? Except it wasn't and they were so much more.

They really should have gone to their rooms as they promised. And yet they didn't. They shared one brief look before Roger pressed the button for his floor, the unspoken question floating in the air around them. They shouldn't. They really should have just gone to sleep in their own separate rooms because tomorrow was the final day of the tournament and the score was pretty tight and with one wrong move they could lose it all. Roger should have consulted with Bjorn about the schedule for the next day, pondering the best way in which they could send their teammates on the court, discussing the best matchups and making sure it all goes smoothly. They liked the competition and the adrenaline, but, of course, still wanted to win. Even though all rational arguments were opposing this idea, they both got out of the elevator on Roger's floor, ignoring the people that were staring them down and using all their control to avoid touching each other, as the tension was building up. They felt hundreds of prying eyes intruding as they made their way through the halls but it didn't stop them. It never did. They were trying to be relaxed, walking casually, as if they were going to discuss politics but they were both aware that they wouldn't be discussing anything. It was an unspoken decision they both made. Roger, the moment his gaze met Rafa's desperate and needy eyes in the elevator and Rafa earlier that evening, teasingly touching Roger, dropping his hand on the small of his back and lingering his fingers up and down the swiss' arm at any given occasion, driving Roger absolutely insane. They were both sweating, impatient, their desire eating them up. The walk to Roger's room felt never-ending, their little self control that was left keeping them from jogging the rest of the way. Roger was trembling, searching for the card to open his room, before even reaching the door. He inhaled and steadied his hand, allowing himself finally to take a glance at Rafa. The Spaniard looked up and met his dark, lustful eyes, sharing the same expression of impatience and desire. When they finally got away from the cameras, away from the curious eyes, away from the danger and the light that threatened to expose their love and into the safe heaven of darkness, away from society's rules, free to crumble into each other's arms, free to lose themselves in the other's touch, free, they did just that. They lost themselves in this feeling. Finally free. 

As soon as the door closed behind them, Rafa spined towards Roger, pinned him roughly on the door and began kissing his neck. He was unable to move as Rafa was holding him down on the door, his whole body pressing against Roger's. The older man let out a loud moan when Rafa bit his left shoulder, covering it with kisses afterwards. He was desperately trying to move his hands from Rafa's grasp and align his hips with the Spaniard's, but the younger man just tightened his grip and was unbothered by Roger's attempts. He just kept kissing and licking his neck, making sure he won't cause any bruise even though in that moment it was the only thing he wanted. Marking Roger as his for the whole world to see. But that wasn't possible and the world was not fair and Roger was not his. He had to remember that. Roger could never be his. Not entirely. He dismissed the thought and moved to Roger's jawline, shortly after landing on his dry, rough lips. He'd never tasted anything sweeter, anything softer than Roger's lips in that moment. Nothing could ever be compared to the sensation of his lover's lips after so much time apart, after craving their kisses for what felt like forever, after being deprived of his touch for so long. Rafa slipped one hand under the older man's t-shirt, the skin burning under his touch as he traced the lines of the swiss' abdomen, caressing his hard nipples. With his other hand, he steadied Roger's mouth, taking control of it completely, licking and biting and sucking until they were both a wet mess, disheveled and so aroused. They rushed to the bed and lost their clothes quickly, the feel of skin on skin almost enough to make them both come. The perk of their busy life and secret relationship was that they never could get used to each other's touch, all feeling so new, yet so familiar each time. 

Rafa climbed over Roger, holding him down with his thighs as they kept kissing and biting and touching and slowly starting to search for friction, moving their hips together. They couldn't get enough of each other, it never truly felt enough. Their lust, their love seemed to just grow stronger and stronger, desperation suffocating them. These stolen moments, only possible in the safety of their hotel rooms, as darkness is wrapping around them, protecting them from the prying eyes will never be enough. But it's all they got. Their bodies, their mouths and so little time. They only know each other this way and it's so unfair. They've never actually talked about it, but they know they both feel it and they push it off, put it aside and try to make the most of it the short time they got. Their time. The time they're not pretending to be something they're not. The time they are just Roger and Rafa. Helplessly in love with each other despite it all. 

Not daring to move, to break away from each other, pretending that they can stay like that forever, pretending that they have time, pretending that tomorrow they won't have to go out and fake it all over again. And pretending that in a few days Rafa won't get married. They really didn't want to face the world, they just wanted to stay like this, they wanted their love to be public, known, desired, they wanted to be able to hold each other every night and every day, wanted this to be their life, their normal. Both dreamed of waking up next to each other everyday and they were so desperate to stop pretending. They just wanted each other. Roger and Rafa. Not anything else.

Rafa raised his head and looked into Roger's teary eyes. He hugged him tighter and kissed his forehead, caressing his jaw with one hand and wiping his tears with the other. They didn't know what was going to happen, but at least for tonight they didn't have to face it. They could just avoid it for now. 

'I love you, Rogelio. Forever. You're the only one for me and I hope you know, I wanted it to be you. The one I get married to, no? I wanted to marry you. And there's not a day that goes by that I don't regret it. Had we been braver, we wouldn't have to go through this now. Oh, my love, say one word and I'll call everything off. One word and I'm yours. One. I beg you.' he whispered it all in Roger's ear in a soft and reassuring tone, as tears were rolling out of his eyes. The older man frowned, looking into his lover's eyes, not knowing enough words in Spanish to understand the meaning of his lover's confession. 

'What did you say, Raf? Please, tell me.' He desperately wanted to know what the younger man said, but at the same time he was terrified, he hoped it wasn't a goodbye, prayed it wasn't anything like that because he wouldn't be able to take it. He wouldn't be able to live without his Rafa. And that was the moment he realised he wanted Rafa to be his and only his forever. His heart ached, he was so stupid. He should have stopped the wedding because he was the one Rafa should be marrying, not Mery. But he couldn't do that. Not to him. Not to Mery. He had to put a brave face on and move forward. Oh, had he realised it few months earlier. Oh, had he said something. But he didn't. 

'Nothing, it doesn't matter.' Rafa's expression was reflecting Roger's, the pain and regret shattering both their hearts.

And just like that the next day came. And when the Laver Cup was done, Rafa had to leave and marry someone else, even though his heart belonged to Roger. And little did they know, they were a word away from their happy ending, from the life and love they both deserved. 

**Author's Note:**

> "Our every moment, I start to replay  
> 'Cause now that you're gone, all I hear are the words that I needed to say"


End file.
